


Purgatory

by GirlWhoLovesMonsters



Series: Hell Has A New Name [2]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sons of Anarchy, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, F/M, Forced Masturbation, Gen, Hell, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Juice - Freeform, Juice Lives, M/M, Masturbation, Motorcycles, Multi, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Prison, Sex, Sexual Content, Smut, Sons Of Anarchy - Freeform, Starting Over, Tully - Freeform, Violence, chibs - Freeform, non-cannon, not good at tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:41:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23506288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlWhoLovesMonsters/pseuds/GirlWhoLovesMonsters
Summary: Part Two of Hell Has a New NamePart 2 picking up where we left off.  Amber is still missing, Juice is becoming more and more his new identity.Despite the odds Juice had made it. He was given a new name, a new life, a new hell. A deal with the devil has to have an expiration date. To escape the reaper he's willing to run on the enemy's dime, but what happens when the devil comes to collect his due? Would his life be worth it's cost?Non cannon
Relationships: Juice Ortiz/Chibs Telford, Juice Ortiz/Original Female Character(s), Juice Ortiz/Ron Tully
Series: Hell Has A New Name [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691365
Comments: 78
Kudos: 28





	1. Preface

A few months have gone by since Juice walked out of the prison that night. A stressful semester of school ended, he had passed his classes, by the grace of whatever God was looking after him. Juice had made the choice to pull himself back from his mission since the incident with the guard. He stepped away from Tully, hadn't called him, visited, nothing. He wanted to put as much distance between himself and that man as possible. The element of surprise was what he needed going into things this time. At least time was more on his side, as was finances because he still had full access to everything.

The guys from school he met with at bars to study, they were just a way to fill the void of loneliness. He had nameless lovers, they meant nothing, and he never brought them back to his place. He couldn’t consider those guys friends, anymore than it was fair to call the girls lovers. They were just people he got along with for a long as he needed too. What he had taken to be a positive effect of all this brokenness inside of him was that his disconnect from the world made his dick work again. He could channel into whatever feeling he needed to and just fuck his feelings out. Feeling was overrated anyway. It always got him into trouble when he acted on what his heart wanted. He had always been the weak link, but not anymore.

Amber was still missing; he was out of ideas about what could have happened to her. Tully had been convinced it was his daughter, however Juice wasn’t as sure. From what he had learned tailing the girl the few times he’d driven out to where she was, she seemed to be busy enough with her own ventures. He had started to believe that Amber had just voluntarily left. She just didn’t have the guts to tell him. Why would she fake being kidnapped? Had she been kidnapped? She hadn’t said that. She really hadn’t said much of anything that day on the phone. He had just assumed, based on what he had heard on the phone that day. Maybe he had overreacted and wanted him to leave her alone. He could let her go, he just wished she had told him instead of making him worry. 

The guard he had gunned down had been all over the news. The prison had written it off as an inmate doing it. Internal investigations were still going on., of course as far as CNN explained it, everything was a dead end. He felt it best to keep away as much as possible, if they had half a brain, they could regenerate the surveillance files he had destroyed. His face would be all over them. He knew he hadn’t taken the best precautions; he had been in an irrational frenzy when had gone to the prison that night. Frankly he had been completely sloppy in his work, the notion haunted him at night sometimes. He didn’t even know why he had done it, for no other reason than sending a message to his tormentor that he was not to be fucked with anymore. He didn’t even know if he had gotten the message.

At first it was hard to stay out of the files, he wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to know if the AB was being blamed or investigated. The media kept the information to a minimum, mostly because people in the real world didn’t care about inmates or the drama of prison life. He knew eventually he would have to re-hack into the system to find out what was gong on. He could of course also set someone up.

The coldness that had begun spreading throughout his soul was getting stronger. Everyone he ever loved or cared about always went away. In some form or another, they always left. It was becoming easier and easier to not care about anyone anymore. He didn’t give a shit about the club, Chibs, Darvney, Miles, Amber. No one, they didn’t matter, they never cared any way. He didn’t give a shit about Tully, not really. He had convinced himself or learned in therapy as was the norm in the world outside of a club, that he didn’t care about Tully. The mixed-up things he felt was just his subconscious trying to deal with trauma. His therapist had deduced that he was simply manipulating him, and on the surface he was. He knew that, every time he uttered the word Papi, he was twisting the man’s soul. Manipulating the bastard had become more and more easy, living like the bastard was great though. He had money, everything he could want, he was able to get anything he wanted. The saddest part of it was that Tully seemed to genuinely care about his wellbeing, enough that he kept his accounts full. The thought didn’t make him sick anymore, it was a means to an end. Shutting down this way was much easier than trying to feel all the time. 

He had decided to take everything that had ever been considered a weakness and use it as a strength. Accepting this would give him time to focus on more pressing issues. Like how to deal with the devil on his shoulder, and how to silence his past. It was time for Juice to die, to really die. He couldn’t exist anymore, not even in his mind. It was time to be someone else, someone of his own choosing. He could be anyone he wanted to be, go anywhere he wanted to go. Fuck everything else.


	2. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice comes home from a night out with his new friends.

Juice sat at the bar with his new friends, or acquaintances, he wasn’t sure what to call them. He hadn’t drunk much in the months of his rebirth, but tonight he figured what the hell. He could get a little crazy, he deserved it, right? He had finally stopped looking over his shoulder and calmed down. Six months had passed since he walked out of Macon Prison. Six months since he heard from the devil, and six months since he seen Amber. A lot happens in six months. 

One of the guys slides him a shot down the bar, and he holds it up, making a cheers gesture before downing the scotch. The taste of it burns his throat and settles warm in his belly. He thinks of Chibs, how he always smelled of leather and scotch. He was always so happy, albeit a little whiskey grumpy. Out of everyone he missed from his past life, Chibs had to be the person he missed the most. He had been his best friend, his confidant, everything. He had always been ready with comforting words and harsh truths, even if you didn’t want to hear them. 

Juice rolled the shot glass in his hands pondering for a moment before standing from his stool. 

"Chris! I think I’m gonna head out man." He shouted over the bar music. Chris nodded at him, clapped him on the shoulder and shouted something intelligible. Juice was steady on his feet, though his head was a little swimmy. The bar was a short walk from his apartment, thankfully because he couldn’t have driven. The night air was hot and sticky, much like Miami had been. Georgia heat was its own monster, sticky and humid, god forbid it rain a little. Then it felt like you were in the swamp, the underbelly of Satan himself. 

As he walked, hands shoved into his pockets, he let his mind think of how he was now no one. Again, he was just a face in the crowd. Nothing about him stood out, nothing about him suggested he had a rough past life. His hair was short and cropped close to his head but not short enough to see his tattoos. His arms had been rebranded with more traditional tattoos of a young man trying to appear cool. Lame designs Juice had thought were decent enough to pass off. His skulls on his chest were just faded scars now, he wanted to design a chest piece to cover them. He looked like an average guy, considering his baby face, he looked like your average college kid. Even though he was now pushing 33. 

When he got to his apartment, he had an eerie feeling, that rock in his gut that something was just not right. Everything appeared to have been the way he left it, however his OCD immediately peaked otherwise, sobering him instantly. The mat at the door was moved slightly, as if someone had scrubbed their feet on it. The plant Amber had gotten and sat out on the banister had been moved around. The water trail suggested it had been picked up, and whoever moved it, tried to put it back where it was. 

He tried to rationalize, maybe it was the office lady? Sometimes she would come around with maintenance to check on things. She had never come when Juice wasn’t home though. Maybe it was the mail person, but there were no packages. He reached into his waist band looking for his gun, though he knew it wasn’t there. He hadn’t been taking it out with him lately. He took a breath and put the key into the lock. 

Closing the door softly behind him, he glanced around the dark living room space. He was momentarily glad he had chosen an open floor plan apartment instead of a standard multi-room apartment. Only downside was that right now he was exposed and had no walls to hide behind. He turned on the light, even though everything inside of him said not too. " _You've lost the element of surprise_." He rolled his eyes at himself, he didn't know why at every inopportune moment of his life, that phrase rolled through his mind. He could hear the voice and see the slightly amused cheeky expression on the monster’s face. 

Nothing in the space looked as if it had been disturbed, but he couldn’t shake the notion that something was not right. He walked the length of the room, checking behind every object, and piece of furniture. Nothing. In the kitchen, top drawer closest to the sink, that’s where his gun was. He slowly opened it, praying his gun was there. He let out a sigh of relief when his hand settled on the cool metal body of the gun. 

He slid the clip in and aimed in front of himself, walking as if he were canvasing then room. Bathroom: empty. Hall closet: empty. Bedroom: ransacked. 

The bile in his gut rose, the feeling of being violated brewed inside of him. What had happened here? He had nothing of value. The only things he owned were random items he had acquired from thrift stores. His tech was the only valuable items in the place, and they were still in the living room, undisturbed. 

He backed out of the room and went back down the hallway. Surely, he had missed something. He breathed in deep, a familiar scent wafting in the air. He couldn’t place it, he just felt that weird reminiscent feeling one gets when smelling something they recognize. It was obviously tied to a strong memory because the rocks in his gut rolled around in the sort of way that made him feel sick. 

How he had missed it earlier he wasn’t sure, in fact, he was certain that the patio door had been closed when he came in. He raised his gun again and walked towards the door. There was no way out from the deck, unless whoever was out there jumped, they still be standing there. He knew it was a risk, he should have just left the apartment, called the police. He couldn’t though, the ex-criminal in him wouldn’t let him. He slowly pushed the door open with his foot, freezing cold at the sight in front of him. 


	3. 2

He stood in the doorway of the patio, trying to remember to breath. He involuntarily let the gun drop to his side, an agitated smile on his face. "What the fuck." He murmured under his breath. His eyes were struggling to take in the man in front of him. Wild hair, blue eyes that pierce the soul, unreadable smile. He looked exactly the way he remembered him. 

"What the fuck, indeed Juicy." Tigs expression rapidly changed from one of happiness to anger. As if he had briefly forgotten that he was supposed to hate him. 

Everything in Juices body screamed run, but he couldn’t. He was so tired of running, so tired of living this way. He wasn’t supposed to be here anyway, if Tig came to finish the job then he wouldn’t fight him. He knew the Sons would find him eventually, they knew he was alive. He knew the guys that beat Tully up would have said something. 

"You here to finish the job?" he took a step forward.

Tigs eyes flashed, he dropped his smoke and stomped it out on the floor. "You’re supposed to be dead you know. I guess the Nazi grew a little sweet on you?" He pulled out another smoke and walked towards Juice. Juices mouth felt dry, his tongue stuck to the top. He nodded wordlessly. 

"Yeah, I think Tully loved me or something. Sorry about that." He didn’t know what else to say. He was sorry Tully couldn’t do it. He was sorry that he was here. He was sorrier that he didn’t completely hate life now. 

"Don’t be sorry Juicy. People see those sad eyes of yours, and that stupid smile, they fall all over themselves. The pres sure did, you know that though. 

Juices mind raced, Jax had hated him. "Jax..." Tig charged him, shoving him up against the wall. seizing his gun, before he could finish his thought. 

Pointing his cigarette right at his face he seethed the words between his gritted teeth. "You don’t fucking mention Jax. Do you hear me?"

Juice put his hands up in surrender. " Yea, yeah man, okay." He couldn’t breathe, he was terrified of Tig as it were, but knowing he was the angel of death was worse. He would have rather someone who gave a shit about him kill him. Someone who would have felt something about it, someone who wouldn’t have left him alone. He wished Tully had finished the job. He didn’t want to go here, die in his shitty apartment, paid for by his... by Tully. He didn’t want to die and not find Amber. He didn’t want to die, and someone else kill Tully.

Tig relaxed, letting him slide down the wall. "I’m talking about Chibs man. He aint been right since you left. Finding out you were alive, about killed him. -He sounded almost remorseful- He loved you brot... Juice. Out of all of us, he might have been the only one who really loved you. Did more than tolerated you, put up with your shit. He put his neck out for you, and you fucking... this shit is how you repay him. You RAT! Then you have the fucking audacity to fucking fall in love with that Nazi shithead and live. You FUCKING LIVE!" Juice winced at the truth coming out of Tigs mouth. He knew he shouldn’t be alive. He didn’t love Tully though; he couldn’t stand someone thinking that he did. Tully was a monster, if Tig had half a clue what his life had been like inside, maybe he would understand. 

In truth he wouldn’t understand, not Tig. Tig was loyal to the club, he would never care. Nothing short of death would ever be enough. Wasn’t Tig just as bad though, shouldn’t he have gone in place of Opie. Juice had hated him for that. All the shit Tig had done, and he kept getting a pass because of fucking Clay. Juice had been like a son to Clay, but Clay had done nothing to protect him, he only used him. Clay, and his whole fucked up family is what got him where he is now. His mind raced but he wasn’t dumb enough to interrupt him. 

"You’re here, living a life like some normal kid. Its sick Juice. I’ve been watching you, Miguel? Could you have chosen a worse name? The rest of us are... either dead or struggling to get by. The club is hanging on by a thread. Fucking Jax, literally handed you a sugar daddy." Tig seemed to calm down and took a step back. Juice didn’t move, he couldn’t, he was frozen in place. He had so many questions. 

"I didn’t ask for any of this Tig." He meant for the words to stay inside his mind, but they come out. He took a deep breath, bracing to be hit. 

Rage flashed in Tigs eyes, he dropped to the ground in front of Juice, a hand wrapping around Juices throat. "I should fucking kill you here." 

Juices eyes were wide, he struggled to breathe, he remembered the feeling when he swung from the tree. He didn’t close his eyes, if this was going to be his last moment, he intended to face it like a man. Chibs had called him a coward when he took the swing, the least he could do now was go out with a little dignity. He was starting to feel lightheaded; his heart was beating faster than ever. It beat like this when Tully had stabbed him. Everything had slowed down; all he could hear was the drumming in his ears. His eyes stung; he hadn’t closed his eyes then either. 

That’s when he realized, he had lived his life in fear, he had lived for everyone else. He had never lived for himself. He was a coward; he had tried to run. He had tried to be so many things, none of them were ever himself. The only times he had ever faced the world with any shred of dignity were the moments he had accepted death. The world around him went black.


	4. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot going on in this chapter. I hope it reads the way I want it too. This chapter is important, so I really hope Ive gotten it out so you all get from it what I was trying to convey.   
> Happy reading!

When Juice opened his eyes, he was laying on his patio. For a moment he was angry, how the fuck did he keep not dying. He rolled his head to the side and saw Tig staring at him with a wild smile that reminded Juice oddly of the Joker. What the fuck was his deal? Happy was the torturer not Tig, what the hell did he want? 

"You know you laid there so long, I thought I might have actually killed you. Started to get nervous." There was a maniacal look on his face still, though his voice was casual. As if none of the previous events had happened at all. 

Juice coughed trying to get much needed air into his lungs, he didn’t know how long he had been out for, but it felt like he hadn’t breathed the entire time. His body felt heavy, sore, as if he had been beaten, but he didn’t recall impact. Slowly he pulled himself into a sitting position, wrapping his arms around his knees in a pitiful attempt to protect himself. "Wasn’t killing me the goal?" He felt confused, and disappointed.

"It’s no fun if there is no fight. You’re not weak Juice, you’re no worse than the rest of us. I’m here to let you know, as far as Chibs is concerned your debt has been paid. Technically you did die. Juice doesn’t exist anymore; I don’t know if he ever did." The rage was no longer in Tigs eyes, he looked almost sad. 

"What about you? How do you feel about that?" Juice couldn’t resist the question, if there was any doubt about his debt he needed to know now. If he could move on with his life he would. What sucked the most was Tig was right. Juice was never a real person, he was figment of his own imagination, someone trying to be someone he wished he could be. 

Tig straightened up in the chair he occupied, flicking his smoke he inhaled deeply. While the smoke filled his lungs, that heavenly burn he liked, he contemplated. Juice began to worry the answer would in the form of a gunshot to the head, or a beat down. Anything. Really, he would have been fine with anything, he had earned punishment and would take it. He just wanted something, a reaction, a feeling, some clue that he wasn’t dreaming all of this and Tig felt something.

Tig licked his lips and then spoke. "Well, I guess, now that I’ve seen you, said what I needed to say, and choked you out, I feel okay."

Juice nodded. "Okay. Okay is good. I took care of all the ink, just so you know. I did everything that was asked of me. I did die Tig, the doctor intervened though. My heart stopped beating. Guess I should have signed a DNR."

"Yeah well, hindsight and all. Don’t be stupid and come back to Charming. But uh... don’t be a stranger either. Chibs will take some time, but he would be glad to know you’re alright."

Juice nodded, he didn’t know whether he should believe him or not. For all he knew. Tig would just shoot him on the way out. 

"Sorry about earlier, I just got overwhelmed. When Quinn told us, he'd heard in Stockton that you’d been smuggled out... I just lost my shit. At first when he told us, I figured you’d screw up and get yourself killed. Or the AB would come for you. Then I felt relieved, after all the shit that went down, I was relieved that someone made it out of the Teller-Morrow disaster. Seeing you here tonight, just ignited everything. You know?"

Juice was trying not to cry, he didn’t want to do that now, not again. He was so tired of crying, living with regret and fear. He was tired of hiding, from the club, the feds, everyone. 

"I get it man. Why did you come here though? It’s been a year since I left Stockton, I just don’t understand."

Tig shrugged as if that answered the question. 

Juice sighed, "You know, I don’t love Tully, right? Of all the horrible things you could think about me, that’s one I don’t want. I learned to do what I had to do to survive. Now I’m like a fly in a web, I keep playing this game, but I don’t think I’ll ever get out."

Tig just listened. Juice knew he was about to spill his entire guts; he could feel it coming. He was so starved for someone that knew him, someone real. Everything out here was fake, all of it. 

"I didn’t choose any of this. I know the club is... was big on " _You always have a choice_." If your hand is forced is that really a choice? I never meant to hurt anyone, or the club. I know I fucked up; I know that. Everything I did, I did because I was trying to help. I was trying to right wrongs, protect people. Constantly playing a game, hoping I chose the right door."

He took a breath, he hadn’t reflected on his life in a long time, he hadn’t confessed to anyone or told anyone a complete unfiltered truth in so long. It was freeing, even if the result made him seem weak or would result in his death. 

"There was a lot of..." Tig began to speak, Juice cut him off. "Let me talk Tig, I need to get all of this out. I’m tired of walking around with this shit. I’m tired of being the bad guy..." His eyes were pleading, he looked like he was going to cry, his chest hurt, everything hurt. His neck was burning, not from where Tig choked him but from the scar that didn’t kill him.

"I made a lot of bad choices; I know I made my bed. I could have done things differently, nothing I have to say excuses my behavior, but I hope it helps explain. Nothing I would have done would have been the right choice. I need you to know that. Every single Son has betrayed the club, betrayed each other, all for what they thought was the greater good, or themselves. You have no idea how many times I have tried to die. How many times I have sat confused about why I am still here, why I did what I did. I have realized though, that none of that matters. Nothing matters. For the first time in my entire life, I feel like I have a reason to live. I’ll do what I have to do to survive." 

Tig just sat and stared at him, he knew there was still a lot of things Juice hadn’t said. He didn’t come here for a reunion, or a confession. He came here for Chibs. 

"You know Chibs is the president now. Things are getting better. He was just built for this kind of thing. Anyway, that’s why I am here. He wouldn’t come himself, like I said. I’m here to grant your pardon. There are hardly any members left from when you were in Charming. Chibs considers your time served. You will never be a Son again, hell I don’t even know if we can be friends but stop looking over your shoulder. Stay out of trouble."

Juice nodded. "What if I did get in trouble?"

Tig didn’t really know what to say, they weren’t doing him any favors. He was never fond of Juice; he was literally here because Chibs was driving him nuts living with guilt. Any amount of guilt he could take off the man’s shoulders for Jaxs crimes was worth a little uncomfortable conversation. 

"Don’t know. Oh, before I forget, the other reason I was sent here. A chick has been asking about you. Never seen the broad before, Chibs refused to speak to her."

Juice perked up at this information, he didn’t talk to many people outside the club in Charming. "Weird."

"Yeah, that’s what we thought too, so the new kid on tech shit looked into her. Turns out her dad oversaw the RICO shit."

"Holy shit, Amber. What the fuck?" He whispered to himself. 

Tigs eyes lit up a little. "Yeah that’s the name she gave. Don’t worry, she is in good hands, Happy is taking really good care of her. Turns out her dad doesn’t seem to care much about her. Why is your friend asking about you?"

"Why the fuck is she with Happy? Why is she in Charming? She doesn’t know anything about me."

He felt panic rise inside of him. He had to help her, why would they take her.

"Well we paid a bounty to pick her up. Sourced it to some guys out here and had her delivered. First thing she did was ask for you. Started out as leverage against the RICO case, but once we learned she was with you, well it just became a twisted web of potential fun."

Juice felt his heartbreak, he knew he shouldn’t have believed Tig. Maybe he had been pardoned but that didn’t mean Chibs would hurt the one person he had come to care about. 

"Chibs thought it would draw you out of the woods, since it didn’t, he sent me to find you. Verify you were okay, being protected by the AB shit head. He won’t hurt her you know, that was never his style. We do need Potters files though, we’ve got to take care of few people, right a few wrongs of our own."

"Well just let her go, I can help you with the information that you need. You know I can hack files. She is literally my only friend."

Tig shook his head. "Juice why are you so stupid? She was using you, doing her daddy’s dirty work. We had to get her away from you, send a message. She isn’t your friend. Chibs is hell bent on protecting the club, and since you’re not a secret anymore that also means protecting you. Anything that can blow back on us is bad. She had to go. She won’t be back; she will go back to Kansas with her big happy family."

He felt like an idiot, he didn’t know who to believe. Tully had told him to be careful making friends. Why the fuck did he live in a world where the only person he could trust at all was fucking Tully?


	5. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tig and Juice have a conversation.

Tig extended a hand helping Juice to his feet. He sighed deeply as if he had been defeated. Fingers pressed to the bridge of his nose, head down collecting his thoughts. "There has been too much blood shed Juice. That whole family left so much in their wake, like a fucking tornado. I just can’t, I don’t have it in me to kill another brother. Not anymore." 

Juice could feel the familiar feeling of hope well inside of him. He knew they would never take him back, but maybe, just maybe they wouldn’t hate him anymore. Maybe he could make amends. He missed the guys, even Tig, he missed the good times. He had started to move on with his life, and just like the snap of a finger everything was flipped upside down. Nothing would ever be easy for him, he learned that as a kid. Life would always be hard when you weren’t wanted. If Tig couldn’t kill him, Chibs didn’t want him dead, was he safe? Surely there were other Sons who didn’t feel that way. They also didn’t want him, Chibs made that clear the last time he saw him. 

Tig sat down on his couch, making himself comfortable. There was a tense silence in the air between them. Juice didn’t know what to say, he was afraid Tig would vaporize in front of him or change his mind and kill him. Juice walked quietly into his living room, standing behind the couch he fidgeted uncomfortably. He hated that he always cried so easily, he could feel the tears. On a good note, he figured that must mean he wasn’t completely numb inside. 

He had been through so many ups and downs since Roosevelt, he had started to just not feel. Amber made him feel something, but now he didn’t know what to think about her. Tully kept him on life support, literally and figuratively. That made him feel something, but none of things felt like this. The gut wrenching, shattering of a heart. Having Tig in his apartment, feeling so mixed up. Knowing Chibs, deep down cared. All of it was too much, he didn’t know how many more heartbreaks he could endure. 

"I’m sorry Tig. I never meant to hurt anyone. Youve got to know that, everything I did was for the club." He felt like he was on repeat, his mind was on a loop and those were the only words he could think to say. 

"I know Juicy, you were never meant to be a part of the club. We should have seen that, not tangled you up in our shit. You aren’t weak, you’re just fucking stupid. Chibs used to say to me, ' _is brain mus be too big for 'is skull. Maybe its causin a defect. E is so smart, he jus aint got 'ne fuckin sense."_ Tigs poor mocking of Chibs accent both made Juice chuckle and want to cry. He missed the sound of his voice, the way it sounded like he was singing as he spoke his native language when he had too much to drink. He missed the way Chibs was so genuine, he always meant well, doing what he thought was best. Even if he had been misguided by Jax. The club would do well under his direction, they should have given him that patch sooner. 

"So, what happens now Tig? I don’t know what to do here. I don’t know what you want." Juice walked from around the couch, so he wasn’t standing behind the man. He wanted him to see his face, for some reason that was important. He wanted to look him in the eye, not the back of his head like a coward. He was done being a coward, he didn’t honestly know how to do anything else though. He had spent his whole life running, this was no different. 

Tig shrugged, lighting up another smoke. Juice inwardly cringed but decided now wasn’t the best time to inform him he didn’t like smoking inside. "That’s up to you Juice. You can keep going on about your life, turn it into something less miserable. Or you can keep running, treading water. Unless you make trouble for us, the Club isn’t coming for you. I can vouch that you’ve gotten rid of the ink, you have no affiliations. Of course, besides Tully." He added on Tully as if it were some amusing trump card. "You keep that dog on a leash, he comes at us, things will be handled."

Juice nodded, he didn’t have any plans of using Tully against the club, or really using him at all. Aside from his banking account anyway. "What about Amber though? I really don’t think she was there to hurt me, or the club. Someone took her there Tig."

Tig grunted, exhausted of being there in general, but mostly of explaining to Juice that the girl was out to get him. "Juice, we’ve been over this. I told you her father was the one that sent Potter to us. TO YOU! All the shit happened to you because of her. How do you not see that? You don’t think it’s odd that you get... you escape, new life, new name, and she finds you? She was the only person who made any effort to spend time with you. She didn’t know you, and followed you across state lines? She is a threat. Club is going in a different direction, can’t have her causing trouble with the past. Juice your loyalties are always your biggest flaw."

Juice deflated, Tig was right about that. He was so desperate for any sort of human contact; he wouldn’t have seen the signs. He was wrapped up in having a friend, someone who wasn’t Tully to talk too. She didn’t know anything about the club, she didn’t really ask. He told her about his past life, his life before Charming. He told her things he hadn’t ever told anyone, not even Chibs. 

"I never mentioned the club Tig. My name is Roberto Miguel Ramirez, I go by Michael because I hate Miguel." He wasn’t talking loudly, trying replay memories as he spoke, Tig cut him off. 

"She asked for Juice. Juan Ortiz, but she knew you weren’t there. She was looking to ruffle some feathers." 

"What if she was... what if it was a code? What if she needs help, and thought using my name would get your attention? What if her father isn’t who he says he is? Tig what if she didn’t know she was being used?" He pleaded, he wanted her to be on his side. He remembered the day in the hotel room when he spilled his guts to her, after he almost shot her. He did tell her his name; he hadn’t meant too but he did. He told her about Bethy, about his baby sister, he told her about his dad. That’s when it hit him, she didn’t know who he was then, but if she researched his story, she would have found articles. His dads face had been all over the news after he was killed, there were ample stories about him, that information would have led her down a rabbit hole, straight to the Sons. 

The couched creaked as Tig shifted. "I’m going to get some food Juice. I don’t know what you need to hear, regardless, we will make sure she makes it to Kansas safe and sound. We’re keeping an eye on you, just know that. Don’t be stupid." He pulled him into a half hug, as if he started to forget he was supposed to hate him and then remembered halfway through. 

Juice nodded agreeing, what else could he possibly do that would be worse than anything else he’s done so far? Tig clapped him on the shoulder. "I’ll be back, I’m going to crash here, and figure out what to do with you in the morning." 

Juice wasn’t sure what that meant, he thought they had figured out what to do with him. Tig was going to leave, the Sons were going to let him go. What did he mean figure out what to do with him? He couldn’t bring himself to ask, he just pulled out his debit card and handed it to Tig. His mouth was dry, his tongue felt too big, but he managed to croak out words. "Bring me something back?" Tig rolled his eyes and nodded, accepting the card. He shoved it into his cut and walked towards the door. Seeing the reaper glare back at him from Tigs jacket sent a shiver up his spine. This was a new kid of hell; he was damned to spend the rest of his days out running the reaper. The reaper never gives up, he comes to collect. In one way or another, the angel of death would get his due. 

After Tig left Juice didn’t feel any better about his situation. The club knew where to find him, Amber was potentially a traitor, and Tully was the only person who had ever been honest with him. He still wanted to find Amber though, he had questions for her. Despite possibly ending up in jail, it would make him a hypocrite to turn against her. Right? He sat down on his couch and tried to stop the panic attack forming in his chest, he pulled out his phone. 

**_Papi?_ **


	6. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice discovers a chilling revelation.

Juices leg bounced as he sat on the couch waiting for the phone to buzz. He wasn't sure why he sent the text, just that in the moment he needed to send it. His heart was pounding so hard he could hear the blood rushing through his body, he felt dizzy with anxiety. A part of him wanted to lock the door and crawl into his bed and hide. That would be useless though, if Tig came back he could just let himself in again. 

His fingers pressed into the bridge of his nose, face resting against his arm, head lolled back against the couch. He had started to doze off when his phone finally did go off. The sound startled him so much he nearly jumped off the couch. 

**Hey boy. Been worried about you.**

Juice read the message over and over, wondering in what voice Tully was replying. He had several tones about him, Juice had come to recognize. He wondered if this was the shot caller, or his tormentor, his cellie, or his Papi. Was he genuinely worried, or was he _worried_ in the way he worried about deliveries? Just a word to use, implying that should something go wrong there would be hell to pay. 

**_Sorry, got busy. How is everything?_ **

He decided to play it safe, responding in a neutral way. He needed to keep the upper hand as much as he could. He still felt dirty from the last time he visited Tully. He could feel his hands on his body, grabbing lustfully, touching everything he could. He could still taste him in his mouth, that candied mint from brushing his teeth every few hours, and the chocolates the man always seemed to have a never-ending supply of. He hated the way the ghost of him felt all these months later, more than he hated the thud of Andrews body hitting the floor replaying in his mind. 

**Got crazy after you left. You have some serious explaining to do.**

Juice could tell by the lack of pet names, casual small talk and long texts, Tully was upset with him. Determining why would be more difficult. Was he upset over the kill, or the fact that Juice disappeared for six months after the fact? What had Tully done in that time? He hadn’t turned on him, at least it hadn’t seemed that way, because Juice was still alive. If Tully wanted him dead, he would no doubt be dead. 

**_I know. Can we talk about that later? I just need you right now._ **

He felt helpless and weak, useless. He was pathetic, his existence was a joke, he was never good enough to be a Son. Now he was out here depending on a Nazi to keep him alive. Worse than that, he genuinely needed to man to help him feel stable again. Tigs visit had his head running all over the place, if he didn’t get it under control soon, he would snap. The last thing he wanted was for Tig to see him as still being the worthless head case he was before. Maybe somehow in this second chance at life he had managed to grow a spine. 

For a moment that felt too long Tully didn’t reply, Juice knew it was stupid to be concerned. The man was fucking prison, the fact that he replied at all was impressive. It didn’t stop his head from reeling though. Spinning around thoughts of abandonment, how Tully didn’t care about him anymore than anyone else. He wasn’t going to help him, he just wanted to tie up a loose end. He was stupid to think that the monster was anything less than a monster. Even still, deep down he did believe he was more than a monster. He believed that despite the fucked-up things Tully did, and the way he did them, he did care. He was a product of the system; he didn’t know how to be normal. For Tully manipulation, control, and a second chance was normal. For someone like Tully, using lube during rape, offering drugs, and reading to him afterwards was affection, care. Getting him off too, even if Juice didn’t want it, shushing his tears in the middle of night, access to his bank account, for all he could figure, that must equate nothing short of love. 

What a fucked-up world, was all Juice could think. If his life were so messed up, he could dig the love out of someone like Tully's actions, what was lifelike for someone like Tully. What must happen to someone to produce someone like him? Juice didn’t know if he should sympathize with the man or hate him more. Why did Tully rise to the top from whatever despair brought him there, and Juice, Juice was still wallowing at the bottom. Like a worm in the dirt, a kicked dog that just can’t accept that his owners only like to hurt him but keeps running back tail wagging. 

**Breathe. I can’t talk long, its lights out. Have you gotten yourself into trouble?**

**_I don’t know. Still no Amber. Panicking a little._ **

**I’ll do what I can. Talked to my daughter, she doesn’t know anything, but she is going to help. Can discuss later. Don’t panic, just remember to breathe. I’ll send someone to your apartment, to keep an eye out. Don’t worry, they will be invisible, unless they need to be seen. That should help you settle.**

**_Okay. You can do that? Out here?_ **

**It’s the south baby. I have an endless supply of soldiers out here. You belong to the brand. I am the brand. If they do happen to get stupid or try anything you do what you must do. Now tell me, who visited.**

There it was, he belonged to the brand. He belonged to Tully. It didn’t matter if he seemed to have freedom out here, or that he came and went as he pleased. He would always be tethered to them. It was a show of power, Tully holding the upper hand. If he wanted too, he could have people watching him all the time, policing what he did or didn’t do. For all he knew, there was already someone watching him, reporting back to Tully. He could be kept in a figurative tower, always guarded. He sighed, accepting his blessings that so far Tully had allowed him his freedom. He hadn’t been dictating his life, allowed him to make friends, go to school, use his money. All of it could be taken away. He resigned himself to playing the game, he would always have to play someone’s game. 

**_Tig. Apparently, he came to tell me I was being pardoned or some shit. IDK if I should trust it. I feel sick._ **

**I see. Well the Sons have no place in your life. Go to your window and look in the courtyard. There should be a man, wearing a red trucker hat. That’s your guy. There are seven more casing the building. I will call you in the morning.**

Juice had only just realized that Tully never asked him where he lived. Sure, he could get information because he used his money to pay for the place. How did he know about the courtyard? The big window that looked over it. How did he get someone here that quickly? How did he know someone visited? The coldness of realization sank into him, Tully had been there all along. Well his men anyway. He was being watched, all this time Tully knew exactly what he was up too, where he had been. If his people were here, maybe they knew who took Amber. Maybe Tully knew more than he was telling him, which wouldn’t be a surprise. 

**_I see him. He's walking away now that he saw me. Thanks for looking out for me._ **

He didn’t know what else to say. Now he just wished Tig would hurry back, he felt more unsettled. At least Tig was a threat he halfway understood, something he could see. 


	7. 6

Tig barged through the front door of Juices apartment, yapping loudly about how busy downtown had been, apologizing for taking so long to get back. He stopped in the doorway, words caught in his throat as he looked around in dismay at the state of the apartment, Juice looking like a mad man as he knocked stuff off the sparse bookshelf. He was looking for something, rushing around mumbling to himself. Tig thought briefly of dropping the food and running, then he became concerned. What if whatever he was looking for was important to Tigs own life. 

Juice had always been a little paranoid, dodgy at best, but this was new territory. Tig remembered teasing him about being gay because of how neat and tidy he was all the time. The apartment had not disappointed when Tig had arrived, but now it looked like a victim of the latest natural disaster. 

"Hey. Ju... Kid." the nickname was on the edge of his tongue; he couldn't bring himself to say it again. Remembering that he wasn’t that person anymore, it was almost painful, but calming as well. "Whatcha doing?" He gestured around the room obviously confused.

Juice stopped, turning to look at him. "My room is bugged dude." Tig just nodded slowly, pretending that he understood. 

"Think you’re just being paranoid man. Come sit down so we can eat."

Juice wiped his hands on his jeans, looking around again before he walked over. "I got a message; someone knew you were here." 

Tig read his face for a moment, contemplating where to go with this conversation. Finally, he sighed, sitting the containers of Chinese food aside. 

"Tully message you?" He sighed.

Juice didn’t answer but his eyes darted away, telling Tig everything he needed to know. 

"I paid the Nazi a visit. Before I came here. Wanted to get a feel for what I was walking into if I came here. Make sure he didn’t send out his dogs on me, thinking I was here to kill his precious love toy." Juice winced at the words _love toy,_ Tig noticed. 

"Sorry about that, anyway, you. I wanted to let him know I wasn’t here for you. Specifically. I wanted to know about the girl, why she was snooping around. See what you knew. Also, I wanted to see if you were in fact being kept by the bastard, I’m glad to see you have more freedom that I had anticipated. Chibs will be happy to hear you’re not being kept in a redneck’s cellar or something."

Juices expression was one of disbelief, what the fuck was going on around him. He had less answers now than he did when he woke up that morning. 

"What do you mean? Why would you... what?" Juice was confused, he was starting to get angry all over again. He was tired of being a pawn in everyone's game. Like Tully had said, the Sons had no place in his life. Not anymore. He couldn’t have a relationship with them, and ever feel at peace. 

Tig sat down on the couch cautiously. "We still gonna eat? I can help you pick some of this up." 

Juice shook his head no. "No, no, uh... that’s fine. I’ll get it. Thanks for coming by." He rubbed his hand through his now thick hair, before shoving his hands into his pockets. "You can go now." 

Tig smiled nervously, he wasn’t sure if he really should leave. He had lashed out when he got there, but he thought they had come to some sort of truce. Even if was just for the day. Tig knew this would be the last time he probably ever saw Juice; he knew that when he showed up here. Juice could never come back to Charming; the club had no place for him. Chibs wouldn’t be able to look at him, despite his love for him. Tig could leave, he didn’t owe him anything. He came to investigate; he had done that.

He picked up his food container, dropping the receipt and Juices debit card on the table in front of him. Clearing his throat, he stood up. 

"I’m gonna eat first." He walked into the kitchen to look for a fork. Juice walked behind him, opening the door. His eyes were glazed over with tears threatening to spill, he sighed the numbness setting in. "Just leave please." 

Tig just clapped him on the shoulder, leaving his food on the counter. "Alright. I meant what I said, we will back you in trying to figure out the girl. You’re free of the mayhem vote." 

Juice wiped his face hastily, he couldn’t think of anything else to say, he just wanted to retreat on his own. He just closed the door behind him, sinking down against it. He felt the same as he did the day, he disassembled his bike. His fight or flight was roaring inside of him, pushing down the urge to start packing. 


	8. 7

Tigs visit passed in a haze. Juice still had a few weeks before the new semester started, he just wanted to get his head on right. He hadn’t seen any of his buddies from campus, Tully had checked in every day, pretty much preventing him from doing much of anything. He hated that control he had started to regain was being stripped away from him. He hadn’t heard from Amber; he was starting to give up on that. 

Maybe Tig had been right, maybe she was just using for information. They sent her back to Kansas, supposedly, he would probably not ever hear from her again. He could accept that, he would just have to go on, be glad he never told her too much. She was the only person that knew anything about his past, he was just thankful he hadn’t told her the details of why he ran. 

It was six pm, Tully would be getting back to his cell from yard, he would have about thirty minutes before chow. Juice was supposed to check in, he didn’t want too. He couldn’t wrap his head around how or why Tully suddenly had the time to talk to him every day. Just to make sure he wasn’t hanging out with the Sons specifically. He paced the room, that dirty feeling crawling over him the way it did in the past. 

The phone rang several times, Juice contemplated hanging up, but the line connected before he could. "Hey baby."

Juice sighed, rolling his eyes. They were back to this; he hated this part of dealing with Tully. 

"Hey Ron. Checking in."

"Try not to sound so happy baby. You know I'm just trying to take care of you. You tend to get yourself into trouble when I give you too much freedom."

Juice paced the width of the living room, not sure what to say. Tully wasn’t wrong, Juice had gone almost nuts when Amber left. He killed a fucking guard, and for what? To show Tully who was boss of this. That hadn't really worked out in his favor, now there were guys patrolling his area all the time, he had to check in regularly, he had pissed off Satan and now he had to deal. 

"Yeah I know. I appreciate you looking out for me Papi. Anything exciting happen today?" He didn’t really care, but he had to pretend to care, at least a little. He still had his end goal, he had to play the game until he could break out for good. 

"Not yet baby. I have some time though; you could make it exciting for me." Tully voice was sticky and deep, it felt like it was crawling over Juice, touching him everywhere. 

Silently he banged his head on the door frame, wishing he could just drop the call. He did not want to go back down this road, he had finally gotten Tully to stop being sleazy. He had been in control of that, yet he really brought it on himself. He shouldn't have gotten so touchy feely with the man last time he visited. It was of course to get information out of the monster, but it hadn’t worked. All it seemed to have done was getting Tully riled up enough to put him back in his place. 

"I don’t feel great today. Can we talk about something else?" Juice tried to sound unwell, in truth he wanted to vomit. He couldn’t image when this nightmare was going to end. He knew where this conversation was about to go, he had avoided most real sexual interactions with Tully since he had gotten out. 

"We could I suppose, but you see... you got me all worked up baby. Then you left, had me worried. You used to play so nice with me, but now I never hear from you. I don’t get your pretty pictures anymore; you only call when you need something. What we have here, is a give and take baby. I keep givin, you keep takin. I protect what’s mine sweetheart, and you are mine baby. You need me to give, don’t you baby? What are you gonna do out there? Huh? I’d hate to have you end up right back in here with me. But... if that’s what got to happen..." Juice didn’t really understand what was happening, this was the worst Tully had ever been to him. Even on the inside, he had never been this much of a creep. His Tully was different with him, fuck... _His Tully..._ What did that even mean? 

The calls, and texts had been a mix of lewd, casual, sometimes almost sweet way he used to be with him. Despite not wanting too, Juice had come to _like_ Tully over the year he had been out. He could at least admit that, he had been a good friend when he needed someone, he took care of him, he didn’t treat him badly. None of the horrible things he had done to him in the beginning went on for very long inside, once they were away from anyone that mattered. 

He had taken all of that for granted, tried to corner Tully, tried to be something he wasn’t. He had put gasoline on a stifled fire, and the monster that raged from it wasn’t to be tamed anytime soon. The context of their conversations were changing, Tully was exhibiting more direct control, making threats, and he didn’t always follow up with any form of care as he would have in the past. 

Juice had fucked up, now it was time to pay the piper. Tully held his life in his hands, and he knew it was in his best interest to behave accordingly. He didn’t say anything, he knew Tully was right, he just waited for direction. 

"Send me picture baby. I want to see your pretty face." He paused as if he were thinking on what he just said. "You know, better yet. You have video call on that fancy phone of yours, I do too. Turn your camera on, I’ll tell you what to do."

Juice panicked inside, with the camera on there was no way for him to fake any of their conversation. He would have to do whatever Tully told him to do, because the man would be able to see him. "I’m waitin baby. Clocks tickin."


	9. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry ive been gone for so long! Its been a rough road but things are slowing down a little bit. Im halfway into this semester so hopefully Ill have some more free time coming up soon. I hope you enjoy this update.   
> Ive missed writing for fun.

Juices hands trembled, he tried to steady them as he practiced his happy face a few times. He took a deep breath, shaking his limbs out, cracking his neck, jumping up and down he tried to get his adrenaline to settle so he could at least fake the call. He pressed the camera.

With a forced smile on his face he waited for the camera to connect. "Hey Tully." His voice cracked as he spoke, he cleared his throat. 

"Ahh, there's my baby." Juice could see Tully pacing the cell. 

"Yep, here I am." He sighed trying to gain some composure. 

Tully sat down on the bed, his face coming into focus on the small screen now that he had sat down. His hair was disheveled, Juice could tell he had been messing with it, he did that when was nervous. His body was stiffer than usual, maybe this was more than a skeevy attempt to see him. Maybe something was going on? This was most likely an unexpected benefit for Juice to be able to see Tully, he could read the other man too. 

"You alright Tu- Papi? You seem a little on edge." He stated very matter of fact, eyes moving over the screen watching him move around. He went over to his sofa and sank down, hoping to find some refuge in the cushions. 

Tully settled with his back against the wall of the bottom bunk, one hand finding its way to his dark hair. "I’m fine boy, don’t worry about Papi. You just do what your told, you understand?"

Juice winced at the words knowing Tully was lying to him. He was being colder than he was even during these last few weeks. He was trying to maintain his intimidation, his power, but Juice could read him so well. 

He raised his eyebrows in a way he knew made him look like a sad puppy. Hopefully, he could get out of phone sex by diverting the attention. 

"I understand, you just don’t seem like yourself is all."

Tully rolled his eyes, corner of his mouth flickering into almost a smile before he regained control. 

"Why do you pay so much attention boy?" Tully sighed; Juice didn’t answer knowing the question was rhetorical. "I know I haven’t been the nicest to you lately, I need you to understand your roll in all of this. You..." He sighed again, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. 

Juice was confused, Tully wanted to video chat him, so he could control the situation, or so he had assumed. Maybe Tully hadn’t expected the shared benefit of this, maybe he chickened out? He was never good at having to perform with an audience, he had always seemed like he was having a harder time than Juice whenever he had to dole out punishments or rapes with more eyes than their own around. He acted almost as if he were the victim in the situation, which always confused Juice. He had watched this man do unspeakably horrible things to other people without so much as blinking. He always exaggerated more when it was Juice though, and Juice had learned to tell the difference having been on the receiving end many times. 

"You make this so much harder than it has to be. I’m sorry that this is the way it must be for now. Maybe you can earn back your freedoms baby, but for now, I gotta keep you in place. You understand?" Tully’s voice lost the sympathetic sound it almost it, and went into his cold shot caller voice, eyes blank save for the glance into the right corner of the cell. He did it several times in a row, which Juice started to interpret to mean there was someone present. Tully usually didn’t signal anyone's presence but this time there was a reason, Juice felt his spine tingle. 

He did acknowledge what Tully had said verbally, understanding their conversation was about to shift. He simply nodded at Tully, accepting that for now this was his fate. 

"I’m sending something to help you keep busy baby, want to keep you out of trouble. You gotta finish school and focus on getting your life together like a good boy."

"I am plenty busy; I really don’t need anything else. With school, the part time job I picked up and the goons that follow me around..." Tully raised his hand cutting him off.

"It’s not optional baby, you get restless when you’re alone. I know you haven’t been hanging out with your school friends. I know that’s partly because I haven’t really allowed it. I do feel a little bad that you’re just in that ivory tower. You will have to go to the post office to pick up the freight. Full instructions are enclosed, and two of the _goons_ can also help you when you need them too."

Juice was trying to figure out what the hell it could be, he didn’t want it he did know that much.

He swallowed, his mouth felt dry, his leg wouldn’t stop bouncing. An awkward silence fell between them, Juice hated that because he knew where it would lead. As if on cue, Tully cleared his throat, sly smile on his face. 

"Alright baby, not feeling chatty?" His voice was laced with faux concern. 

Juice frantically tried to think of something to say, anything to start another conversation, but he came up with nothing. He just shook his head no. "Not really, I’m sorry, I told you I wasn’t feeling that great."

Tully hummed, running his tattooed fingers through his dark slicked back hair. "Well how about let’s get you feeling good huh?" 

Mentally Juice screamed, _he didn’t want this_ , he didn’t want to do this. His body was his own Judas and he was literally nailing himself to a cross. Why did Tully simply insinuating sex make his dick hard? Why? It wasn’t fair, it was like being paralyzed, like having an out of body experience. His brain wanted none of it, but his body had its own plans and it always complied. It was better to keep his captor happy anyway, just play along like he had done inside. He smiled, knowing his eyes were sparkling the way they did when he was given any simple act of kindness. Tully had picked up on that fast, throwing him praises like you throw a dog a bone and Juice would gnaw it blissfully every time. 


	10. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two parts in one day! This chapter is a little longer. I wasnt sure when I would for sure have time to write more so I just wrote until it felt ready to post. Hopefully i'll be able to continue writing now that things are settling down. I apologize in advance if I end up missing for several weeks again though.   
> Enjoy.  
> This one is a dubious consent sort of thing. Updating tags to reflect.

"I wanna make you feel good baby, I wish I could touch you. Would you like that baby?" 

Juice swallowed again, as much as he hated everything about this, yes, he would like it. Tully knew exactly what to do, how to manipulate his body, how to make it all feel good. He made it not seem like the rape that it was, so much that at some point Juice had even stopped referring to it as rape at all. He at least touched him like he was a person, something worthy of care, pleasure, and comfort. It made him sick sometimes to think that the only person who has ever really made him feel at all cared for, genuinely, was a Nazi rapist master manipulator. He knew it was all Stockholm syndrome, he had read all about it. Right now, though, he didn’t even care. 

He was already hard, despite his efforts not to be. Tully’s voice rumbling through the phone in that deep baritone that he had become so familiar with in the whispers at night, was hitting him in the pit of his stomach. 

"Yeah. I would like that." He laid back against the sofa, stretching himself out more comfortably, 

"Well maybe I can arrange that again soon. I miss feeling you baby, your last visit reminded me of the fun we used to have." Juice chuckled, smiling back at his captor, eyes glazed over lustily as if he had been hypnotized. He remembered. He remembered every single touch he didn’t fight off; every single stoke that he welcomed, every single orgasm ripping through his body, and every single night he craved it. He remembered every time he started it, every time he waited for it, he remembered when the numbness left him, when he became an active participant. He remembered the breath against his neck, the fingertips along his ribs, the hushed pleasure escaping his lips into the crook of that man's arm. He remembered sweet words, and praises, comforting circles rubbed into his back, the smell of the cologne he smuggled in filling his nostrils. He could see that stupid little blue bottle; he could smell it now if he thought hard. The sandalwood and anise, with a hint of leather, tobacco and citrusy afternotes flooding his memory.

His cheeks were flushed, his breathing felt labored, he was a stupid fly caught in a web. "Take off your shirt baby, I wanna see you." Juice could feel the complacency take over his body, he responded without thought. 

Tully’s eyes roamed over his body, pleased with the cover up work that had been done to the tattoos previously adorning him. He had been so worried his boy would be maimed in the process of the unfortunate repair. "You know what I would do to you if I were with you baby?" Tully’s voice rasped into the phone. The shadow behind him no longer there, the person observing must have been satisfied and walked away. Juice noticed a difference in his eyes, no longer cold and distant but warm and hungry. Relief flooded Juices body upon realizing they weren’t being watched, it didn’t deter the burning inside his gut that had started. He was no longer in control of himself, Tully was. His words, his commands, just like before ghosting over him, manipulating his body to do what he wanted it to do, Juice unable to stop it despite it being his own hands this time. 

A small whimper left him when Tully didn’t continue speaking immediately, his cock twitched not yet acknowledged. Tully grinned, obviously pleased that Juice wasn’t just faking it. "I would pull you so close to me, so you could feel how hard I am against you. My hands would roam over your body soaking up the warmth, pinching at your hard nipples in that way you always liked. You want to feel me against you baby? Want to feel my hard cock teasing your hole through your jeans?"

Juices free hand stayed on his chest; fist balled tightly just out of the frame. Tully could tell he wasn’t moving; he hadn’t been given permission. Inside, Tully handled all of that, Juice never really touched himself because he didn’t have too. If Tully wanted him to cum, he would make him cum, if he didn’t then he wouldn’t. Juice had never really questioned it, he just accepted it and he never tested what would happen if he had jerked off in those situations. Tully hadn’t intended on the orgasm control he seemed to have but he liked it. He liked how willingly Juice would submit for him. Prior to Juice he thought that was just weird stuff for sexual deviants, and guys who got off on hurting their lovers. He never thought about it as a trust exchange, a need to please another person just because it made them feel good. Some of it was still weird to him, he would never tie up a lover, or beat them into submission. He just couldn't fathom people enjoying that, though in his world if you were in that position you were likely about to meet your maker. 

"Please Tully?" He whimpered out the words despite himself. Tully chuckled into the phone. "Sit the phone down baby, put it somewhere I can see you though. " 

Juice breathed in deeply, sitting back up on the couch he grabbed his pile of schoolbooks on the coffee table, propping his phone against it. "That good?"

"Perfect baby. Now, where were we?" His voice was teasing, he could see the goose pimples across Juices chest. This had started to appease his higher ups and punish Juice, but it had surpassed that minutes ago. As much as he hated it, he did develop a fondness for this man. It went against all his moral codes, but on the inside Juice was the best a con could get. If it hadn’t been Tully, he would have fell prey to someone else. Prime meat like that without a safety net, he would have been butchered worse than the Chinese had done. Tully often justified his actions this way, knowing he was the lesser of the evils when it came to that. 

"You were telling me what you would do to me." Juice made himself comfortable again, he could see himself on the screen along with Tully. The tent in his sweatpants was more than visible, making his face redden more. All the times they had fucked, that’s what he was calling it now, that made it seem better anyway. All the times, he had never been laid this bare before. There had always been the darkness or the covering of Tully’s body to hide him. This was a whole other ball game, and it was embarrassing. 

"Right. You’re hard for me baby." A glint in his eye at the observation. He smiled in jest when Juice nodded looking at him. "Pull down your pants so I can see your pretty cock." 

Juice bowed his back, bending his knees to push his butt off the couch, pushing his pants down to around his knees. He splayed back out as much as he could with his pants restricting his movements. The crown of his cock glistened in the low light of the room, the coolness of the air causing it to jump.

“Do you like it Papi?” His hand traveled down his chest, over his abs stopping just shy of his pelvis. Tully could tell he wanted to touch but was waiting for instruction.

Tully bit his lip, palming himself below the frame so Juice couldn’t see him taking the edge off. “Yeah I do baby. Tell me how you taste baby. I never did get the chance to taste you.”

Juice ran his fingertip over the bead of precum leaking from him, bringing it slowly to his lips. He sucked on his finger vulgarly, the way he used to suck on Tully’s before he gave him the luxury of prepping him. Falling into line, doing what he was told, without really having to be told at all. He made sure to make it dirty, his finger was good and wet, a string of spit connecting from his mouth as he pulled away. “I taste good, sweet like yours Papi.” He beamed with pride when he heard the moan from the other man. He had chosen the right words, did the right thing. At least this was something he didn’t often fuck up.

“Wanna see you? Can I?” He bit his lip, rolling his hips lustfully.

“I’ll see what I can do. Still just as needy huh? Baby, if you were with me, this teasing wouldn’t be working. I don’t think I would have the restraint. My fingers would deep inside you, so you’d be good and open for my cock.” Tully managed to position the phone just right in the slats of the top bunk so that the camera was pointed down towards him. He didn’t have the same accommodations Juice had to just put the phone anywhere, “Cant put the phone far enough away to put all of me in the frame baby, gotta keep it close for safe keeping.”

“Want me to open myself for you?” Juice offered with need in his voice.

Tully almost choked, he hadn’t expected this level of cooperation, he felt a little bad about it. “No baby, we can save that for when we can see each other again. For now, I just want to watch you, like my own pretty Puerto Rican porn star.”

“What else would you do to me? If I were in the bunk with you, would you be on top of me or behind me?”

“Id wrap you up in my arms from behind you, hold you tight like you like. Ease myself into you, deep as I can go.” Juice whimpers, his feet flexing up and down. Tully adjusted so Juice could see his full cock, his fist wrapped tightly around it, precum collecting on his thumb.

“Touch yourself baby, nice and slow for me.” Juice complied, hissing at the sensation of his hand on his cock. He felt so sensitive just from having been aroused for the past fifteen minutes. “Good baby, nice and slow, watch Papi, do it like me. Tell me what you want baby.”

“Feels so good, soo good.” Juice was fighting to keep his eyes open, control his speed, and stay out his head. “I want you to touch me. Please, I wanna cum.”

“I don’t know, you’ve not been very good baby. You made things pretty difficult for me.” He didn’t even know how he was keeping his own voice from shaking as he teased his phone partner. His gut was burning, he knew he wouldn’t last much longer himself. Especially not with his boy talking the way he was.

“Please Papi? I’m sorry, I am.” He rolled over onto his side a little bit, letting his back rest against the back of the couch. His mind going off on its own, filling in blanks, convincing him Tully was behind him, holding him. He was so lost in the feeling, of his need, that just listening to Tully felt like it his hands on his body in place of his own.

“You like the way I fuck you? Mmmm? …so tight for me baby, feel so good on my cock.” Tully was mumbling incoherently, working himself over. “Who do you belong to baby? Tell me.”

Juice groaned out in desperation, trying to keep up with Tully’s increasing pace and not cum was getting more and more difficult. His breathing was getting more erratic. “You… belong to you… yours Papi, jus yours.”

He could hear Tully muffled noises indicating he was close. “Gonna cum baby, gonna… cum… ah… ah… cum for me baby…mmmmm” His movements sped up, staggard and then slowed bringing him through his orgasm, cum spurting over his hand. He watched in awe as Juices body spasmed as his release took over him, cumming just seconds after Tully had. He blinked a few times, getting his eyes back into focus on Juice, his breathing still heavy from his release. Juices tanned body lay sweaty and limp on the couch, legs sprawled, pants hanging onto one leg, one arm slung over his face as his chest heaved. Tully wanted to sit with him for a bit, let him come down like he would have on the inside, but he didn’t have that kind of time right now.

“You did good baby, you did good. Get yourself cleaned up, I’ve gotta get to yard and do some business baby. Ill call you later to check in.” His boy was smiling at least, easing some of the guilt he had about this entire situation.

Juice just nodded, reaching over to grab the phone. “See you later.”

Juice lay on his couch for a few moments longer letting his breathing level out. Then his mind started spinning, and his skin started to crawl. Why was he so disgusting? Why did he do that at all? Why did he like it? Did he really or was it just because Tully was inside his head. What did this even mean for them now? Was Tully not upset with him anymore? Had he just paid his most recent dues? He felt so confused, and worst of all he felt hurt because Tully wasn’t with him to hold him. Or to read to him, as much as he wanted to hate it, he liked that the man was educated and had a good reading voice. He could really go for that right now.

The tears started falling, there was too much internal conflict for him to handle. He was never good on his own, and right now it felt like a hazard to his health.


End file.
